My [second] wife is the coolest person ever and my best friend. I wouldn’t want to be with anyone else. She came into my life when I wasn’t even looking.
My first wife was a horrible person who convinced me that I was better off being single. I was perfectly content with that. It is much better to be alone than to be with someone who fills your life with misery.
If you’re reading the OP and feeling sad about your own circumstances, I totally get it because I’ve been there. Bad relationships or the breakdown of a relationship are really hard. You can get through it. Remember to take care of yourself. Prioritize spending time on things that bring you joy. Find someone to talk to, even if it’s just some random guy on the Internet. And know that it absolutely can get better.
After being a few months away from being married and seeing it all fall apart I’ve realized that I don’t ever want to be married.
Doesn’t mean I don’t want a long term relationship but I don’t want to tie the knot and tangle up my life like that ever again. If we had gotten married then divorced my ex would have ruined me. I was too soft at that time and I would have let her use me as a doormat on the way out. I know better now but I still don’t want to deal with those complications.
To those who feel saddened by this, always remember that you can be your own best friend. Treat yourself.
I’m living that life and we’re not even married yet. 5 years since this June. Never been happier :)
My partner and I are on year 8? I think? Neither of us care about anniversaries or any of that stuff, so we lose track often.
We just fit. We rarely disagree, and when we disagree, we’re civil about it. There’s no yelling and screaming about who is right.
It’s genuinely co-op mode, and we pair up to get stuff done regularly, but when no co-op is required, we just keep living our lives, together.
So I put a ring on it. Planning to sign the papers next year to make it official.
Going on 11 years here. Though we sometimes disagree, but that is rare to the bliss we find in one another. And yes she is my best friend and lover.
Can’t wait for these comments to be depressing
They’re not wrong, but you’re not either. Nothing is perfect all the time and the OP statement really leaves a lot out. Been married for 20 years. Would do it all again. That’s what matters.
This is bog standard dumb stuff young people say. I’ve heard this same sentiment come out of idealistic kids for decades. How this is anything other than ignored is beyond me.
Awww poor you.
How to admit you’re in an unhappy marriage without saying you’re in an unhappy marriage, much?
I happen to think I lead something of a charmed existence with my wife and daughter lol. Took a lot of work and growth from both of us in our previous failed relationships. Our paths changed us into the people who would meet and marry well into our 30s. There was a lot of pain in that growth, both outgoing and taken. A lot of good to learn from too. We both started our relationship journey with shit like this meme in our heads. We both ended up where it looks like the cartoon princess simplicity it is.
Feel free to assume the worst about me though. Its fun
womp womp
Enjoy it for me, friends. I’m just an NPC.
This post is going to make some people very sad and some people very happy and I guess I’m here for that. Life is alllll sorts of experiences, good and bad. Just gotta roll with it.
And some of us just, meh. Tried the co-op mode and found that the people I’m attracted to aren’t good for me. Now I’m just looking forward to retiring before I’m 50, and surfing. That and having tons of dogs that I foster and train to be good, and then adopt out. I’m not a good dog parent because I can’t see them as anything but needy toddlers. Therefore annoying. I can’t foster cats because I couldn’t adopt the cats out. The dogs are at least consistently needing the same repetition so that they become good dogs for some family out there.
I’d rather just not tbh but I don’t want to leave a me shaped hole in people’s lives
I get that
At first I imagined actually getting into the fetal position and rolling on the ground, but then I realized that’s only my fetish… You were obviously talking about trains.
Wife doesn’t love me, least not the way I love her. Just had the talk, this post is downright brutal right now.
Yeah, I’m just gonna give you a hug right now.
Grew up assuming this would never happen so I never tried, and now I prolly won’t ever try
*"Listen, happy endings is fine if they turn out happy,” said Granny, glaring at the sky. “But you can’t make ‘em for other people. Like the only way you could make a happy marriage is by cuttin’ their heads off as soon as they say ‘I do’, yes? You can’t make happiness…” Granny Weatherwax stared at the distant city.
shut up grandma. people are allowed to get to know each other before they’re married now. also they’re allowed to get a divorce so they don’t have to resort to slowly poisoning their spouse.
Wooosh
Do NOT talk to Granny Weatherwax like that.
Are you the same person you were 5 years ago? 10? 20? Do you think you’ll be the same in the future? Will your partner also be? The correct answer is no. Marriage takes work to keep working as life takes you through its ups and downs and we evolve and grow as people. Best of luck to you all!
That about sums it up. 10/10 fucking love being married
I’ve been married to my wife for 2 years, after being in a relationship with her for 6 years. Things weren’t always perfectly smooth sailing but we’ve managed to work things out. We sometimes have communication issues, which we’re working on, but at least we understand that it’s a weak point and any fights (which are hardly fights) don’t last very long.
She is quite literally my best friend, and I am so, so grateful to have her. We spend most of our time outside of work together and we never grow tired of each other. We always help each other out and cheer each other up when one of us has a bad day. Co-op campaign mode is a great way to put it.
I came out to her as trans shortly after we got married, when I suddenly realized how I felt about being the opposite gender. She was very supportive from the beginning, and although she was initially a little nervous when I started hormones, we’ve grown a lot closer and our love has grown so much stronger since I began to open up and be my authentic self. And for that, I can’t be grateful enough. Many couples I’ve seen where one comes out as trans end up splitting up, for one reason another, so I think I’m extremely lucky to have someone that can see past gender and love me for simply myself.
At the same time, it really, really sucks thinking you found this and then slowly realizing years into it that it’s not going to work because it’s just crushing your soul and there are some fundamental incompatibilities that are just not going to change and you have to get out for the sake of your own sanity and long term happiness, despite how much you want to make it work.
Source: I’m in the terminal phases of that process right now.
Apologies for being a Debbie downer. Just having some pretty rough times right now, and the next couple of weeks are going to absolutely suck, and there’s definitely no way around it but through.
Hey, I just did that a year ago this November 1st!
Man, am I glad I did. And man, was it so worth it.
So glad to hear it gets better. Thank you!
I’m sorry to hear that. I hope you manage to navigate this uncomfortable (and temporary) period of your life and can get back to building happiness again.
I appreciate your sentiments. Your posts often give me spikes of amusement, for what that’s worth. <3
Always so positive. I aspire to that but often fail. It’s difficult when you are depressed.
I’m glad! Hang in there, bud. <3
Yuuuup been there before. Gets worse if you have a kid together. Thankfully I didn’t in my case but I have friends who are “stuck”
Yo, I’m turning in the divorce papers in a few weeks. After months of detangling finances and finding new places 🎉 Only took like 5 years of me giving it my all and my former spouse constantly telling me I wasn’t doing enough for them. The years before all that were pretty great though
As a generally lazy person, I would suggest other lazy people look for similar minded matches. Don’t look for a type A hyper organized person that’ll pick up after you. My wife and I are lazy in different ways and make that work for us. Sorry you are going through this OP, I hope you find your match!
That’s… actually part of what did us in. She helped me improve myself, and I became a lot happier for it. I tried to return the favor… she was largely unreceptive, and several years of that led to immense frustration, followed by despair. It turned my trajectory right around. And one I had tasted the positive direction, I wanted it back, and I couldn’t settle for just trying to pull her through life.
Dude I’m in the detangling finance stage now.
I made like 3x what she did before we separated so quite literally everything has my name on it. Her lawyer gave an absurd number for the budget she would need me to cover for maintenance for the next 5 years and my lawyer said “ok prove the need.” I don’t think she’ll be able to, but yikes, the thought of this having to go through court is frustrating
I’m fortunate enough that mine is very amicable. No lawyers, we’re splitting everything 50/50, there are a few big things that would make it more complicated in a court but we’re like “no you’re the only one who uses that you get it” kind of stuff. We would have turned in the divorce papers a few weeks ago actually but they’re on my insurance and I didn’t want to kick them until their new job’s insurance takes affect. Even with all this going for us the finances thing took so much work. Can’t imagine what a contested detangling would be like. You’ve got this!
At the same time, it really, really sucks thinking you found this and then slowly realizing years into it that it’s not going to work
Its not going to work with that particular person, but that doesn’t mean your life is over nor that the one you’re looking for still isn’t out there looking for you. I’m really sorry to hear about the situation you’re in right now, and its not going to be easy to get through this and its certainly not going to be quick, but you can get through this. You can heal. You are so much more than just that relationship even though it may not feel like that right now.
You must navigate these choppy waters with an aim to come out the other side whole in time. You owe it to yourself. If you want to try again in the future, should you want to try again, you owe it to the other person thats still out there looking for you.
Oh, I know that. I am actually very confident I’m going to feel way better in the long term. I’m just struggling a lot with guilt and stuff right now because a big part of me feels like a complete psychopath for basically spurning someone I love a lot, and who I know loves me a lot too.
That said, I do appreciate your well-wishes. <3
I am in exactly the same place right now. It’s really shit. I know it will be better eventually, but to hear someone else say it is very helpful. Best of everything to you. Stay strong.
You too, friend.