Guys: Take a shower, shave and put on clean clothes before you meet with someone.
Hygiene is very sexy.
Gonna preface this by saying Ive got no issues with you or your comment, I recognize what community I’m in.
But advice like this is so frustrating for actually normal people who are single and are struggling to find a partner. It implies anyone who can’t get a date can’t do so because they’re the equivalent of a stinky smelly mongoloid who’s been wearing the same underwear he uses to clean his pits for 3 days.
Again your comment is perfectly valid given the context. OOP probably left out that he tipped his fedora to the m’lady because of all the dandruff that fell off when he did it. But being told in normal communities to “just take a shower bro you’ll get a date 👍🏽👍🏽👍🏽” feels like being corrected on your spelling, in a math test, when you spelled the word correctly in the first place.
/rant
Edit: oof. So I upset some people with this one, obviously, but the only people I care about that I upset are the ones who pointed out the unfortunate term used above. As some had guessed I had no idea of it’s origins. (Ironically, I noticed the similarity when my phone generously assumed I wasn’t a bigot and tried autocorrecting to something… marginally less offensive, but in the midst of typing out a rant I didn’t think twice.)
I’m leaving it so others can see my mistake and hopefully learn from it. But when selecting fun and frivolous language, I’ll make sure to remove that one from the pot.
Oof, also I laughed at your example at the bottom. This actually happened to me in highschool and it still haunts me.
My condolences
Its condolences.
Their condolences
Our condolences
I had one geography and pre-algebra teacher in junior high that was like this. She practically refused to give out 100% on any assignment or test, and as far as I know no one ever could. She took the time to pick out any little flaw. Word misspelled? You lost points (granted, that’s fair for place names in geography). Handwriting not typewriter-perfect? You lost points. Didn’t quite erase something to her standards? You lost points. Didn’t format a handwritten page precisely as she defined (and she was extremely precise)? If you’re lucky you lost points, but she often threw those away with a zero. Used the wrong type of pencil? Allegedly she could tell if it wasn’t written with a #2 pencil, and would throw the it away if it wasn’t. The best grade I got in either of those classes was 99.5%. What did I miss? One of my 'i’s had the dot slightly touching the rest of the letter. Real Umbridge character personality-wise too, more than anyone I ever met.
All this allegedly to prepare for college. So it was a shocker when I got there find out that I could straight up get 2/10 correct on a calculus test but still be graded at 80% because (read this in a slavic accent) “you made mistakes in algebra, but you know your calculus”. Go figure
Omg… I would’ve been so angry with her if that were to happen to me XD! 99.5% because of a fucking dot on the i …
Dude, the use of “mongoloid” is not cool.
You know what it means, right?
The double whammy of referring to a specific syndrome and racist origins
Holy shit, just looked that up, and it has layers to it. Based on the rest of their comments in the thread, I’m sure it wasn’t intentional, they probably had no idea of the origins and meanings (I certainly didn’t), but man is that one problematic.
OOF.
Based on the rest of their comments in the thread, I’m sure it wasn’t intentional, they probably had no idea of the origins and meanings
Thanks for giving me the benefit of the doubt. Probably should’ve clicked when my phone graciously tried to save me with autocorrect, but I was typiiiing.
Original comment updated.
Well I’ll just see myself out then.
Comment updated. Thanks. Sorry.
If you’re hygienic then the comment isn’t for you
BTW, and now that we are doing this, dandruff is not a sign of lack of hygiene. It is a common symptom of skin conditions like dermatitis. I don’t like to recommend subreddits in Lemmy, but take a look at r/sebderm and read a couple of threads there. Fortunately, most people don’t know it, but a chronical skin condition can get you suicidal.
Yeah, dandruff was an unfair blow. I just figured if I was going for a standard 4chinner insult, it almost made it better.
If the OOP is actually real I don’t actually think they’re a fedora warrior.
Nah, it’s cool. I just took the opportunity for a PSA.
The comment doesn’t imply that everyone who can’t find a partner is unkempt, it’s just a recommendation to help people out.
Like if I said that people who ride bicycles are physically fit, I wouldn’t be implying that everyone who is physically fit rides bicycles
Like if I said that people who ride bicycles are physically fit, I wouldn’t be implying that everyone who is physically fit rides bicycles
Right, but if you were a fat guy who cycled to and from work every day and you made a comment online about how unhappy you are with your body, don’t you see how…
“Guys: ride a bike, go outside, stop driving down the street to get the mail. Exercise is sexy”
… might make you feel like there’s something wrong with you? “Man, if all the advice anyone should need is, ‘go ride a bike’, and it isn’t working for me, what the hell is wrong with me? I’m fucked.”
So yeah, I understand that it’s just bullshit generic “advice” meant to “help” people, but when you’re struggling to figure out why people won’t give you the time of day and everyone says that all you gotta do is take a shower and people will find you attractive, you’re not in a mind state to go, “hey, I already did that, so it doesn’t apply to me/ I shouldn’t consider it”. You think, “so everyone ranks me with the guy who doesn’t shower”, “there’s no point in trying because I’ve already done what everyone said”, “there’s something inherently wrong with me/ women/ men/ society because the system works for everyone but me” etc etc etc.
And actually no. “Take a shower and wear clean clothes” is almost never meant as genuine advice to help someone out. It’s a tongue in cheek insult, directed at men like OOP who dared to express their loneliness online, meant to belittle them and make the commenter feel superior over someone desperately looking for companionship.
If someone who has been studying hard says they’ve been struggling with math, is “bro, read a math book. Do some actual sample problems. Stop blowing off your homework.” advice, or a condescending insult?
Nobody says that’s ALL you have to do. How are you taking this personally? How do you think the tip is secretly meant as an insult? I can see that if you’ve thought about this a lot and tried many things, it could be frustrating to see simple tips like this. Regardless, you’re reading more into people’s personalities and their intentions than is really there.
What this means to me when I read it- many people have a very sensitive sense of smell and after even any light activity or enough time, people will not smell perfectly clean anymore. I have showered and then spent 15 minutes working on something and then been told that I smell. Good luck if you meet someone that has a sensitive sense of smell- you will probably be told to take a shower whenever you are not perfectly clean and want some physical interaction. Will you tell them “that is secretly meant as an insult against people like me who have tried everything…” Or will you take a shower? Then you’ll be told to shower every time it’s relevant, maybe multiple times per week, that’s on top of showering every day. Now you’ve been informed that there are people like this. Relationships require some accomodation to the other person’s wants, and hope the other person will likewise make a similar effort to accommodate the things that are important to you.
You hit the nail on its head.
You do realize that the vast majority of “actually normal people” from your comment are or have been in relationships? Like what is your definition of that, I don’t think it’s what most would think.
I’m not really sure what your comment is asking or saying.
Yes, I realize a majority of these “normal people” (in this context, people that don’t need advice from internet strangers to know you should shower and wear clean clothes) have been in a relationship. I’m included in these “normal people” , and have also been in multiple relationships.
I don’t know what you think I mean by “normal people” but I feel it’s easy to decipher what I meant given the context, and I don’t know how people having previously been in relationships relates to what I said about these people struggling to get into one currently.
OK but that advice was clearly meant for people like OOP who haven’t been in a relationship as the post implies. If you have been in a relationship and are just in a slump then the shower advice was pretty clearly not meant for you? Not everything is meant for you.
Honestly if the energy your putting out in this comment section is the energy your approaching people with then that might be your problem.
Everyone is getting really bent out of shape over this response, disregarding the fact that I acknowledged (twice) that the comment I replied to wasn’t doing anything wrong in the given context.
I never said they made the comment specifically about me, I said that when that advice is given to people looking for help or even just a little compassion that having “take a shower” thrown in your face over and over is discouraging.
Never implied anything like what you fantasize here, especially not something like “getting dates only when clean” and other bullshit.
If you never get a date then personal hygiene may play a role, that much is true. But there’s a myriad of other issues that influence your success with the wanted person/persons, including being a whiny bitch that insinuates dumb stuff for example.
Thank you for reading the part where I said that I didn’t take any issue with your comment, it’s context, or what you said.
But funnily enough, your response reads much like what I was talking about in another comment… angry people on the internet, hurling insults at those they’ll never meet, for the crime of expressing their struggles online.
I expressed zero animosity to you, instead joining your joke at OOP’s expense, while lamenting a common frustration. Your immediate response is to defend your statement (despite it not being attacked), and try to further cut down someone who is just trying to talk about what’s bothering them. That’s unfortunate.
I’ll briefly summarize a story from The Buddha, in which he is approached by an angry man who accuses The Buddha of being a know-it-all, telling others how to live their lives, etc.
The Buddha asks, “if I gave you a gift which you did not accept, to whom does the gift belong?” to which the man replies, “it belongs to you, for it came from you, but I did not accept it.”
The Buddha then says, “Then, like my gift, I reject your anger. It belongs only to you now, and you are the only one who must live with you anger.”
I suspect you won’t bother reading a majority of my response, and will either ignore it or try to respond to it with more insults, but you’ll have to try calling other people names (and come up with some more clever ones!) if you want anyone to accept the gift you’re offering! Have a nice night.
Oh, I like you
Thanks!
I do that and still no dates, now what?
Did you remember to be attractive?
Well I am not overweight, and am tall. Attractiveness is really on a scale and can be in the eye of the beholder, but no I would not consider myself attractive or unattractive, just plain.
All this place knows is Linux bro don’t come here for advice
Well good thing I’m not a Linux bro.
See there’s your problem /s
/s/s, frfr.
Ok, so now you have a clear plan to work on your attractiveness.
Yet.
not overweight, and am tall
Ever considered going to Asia?
You need to get out and talk to people and ask them out.
That’s a dealbreaker, I’m out.
Nah I would prefer to just complain about it on the internet.
No shave, have beard, will not capitulate to demands. If you can’t accept my face at it’s harriest you don’t deserve the parts I do trim!
I have sensitive skin lol and razor bumps are laaaaaaame.
You’re definitely missing the point. I also have a beard and refuse to shave but I tidy my beard up periodically. The point is to groom yourself.
I’m going for length, I clean it though. Currently however I must’ve got some aeroshell 64 in it though because the smell won’t leave and I won’t be able to shower for like another 8h, so I smell industrial.
If you’re cleaning it then you’re good. Tbh I don’t really know what long beard hair care entails. I think the advice is moreso targeted at folks that don’t care for the scraggly bits.
Well “shave” and “wash” are two very different things, and you can also “brush!”
Lol I know it was for folks that don’t like the scraggly bits, but there’s people out there that do too, that one person’s preferences are far from universal. Like, I’m not a fan of those straight bangs that were popular a while back but some people are, and that’s ok too! That said I’d never tell a woman to trim her bangs though, if I like her it’s for more than her hairstyle so I can put up with one I don’t like.
I got a puppy when I was first starting an Airman Program (prior to becoming an aviator in my branch of the military), and one of my daily responsibilities was getting fuel samples and fueling aircraft, so every day when I came home I smelled like jet fuel (which smells like it’s generating constant low level damage as long as you’re smelling it… because it is…). Now my dog loves the smell of jet fuel and loves it when I smell like jet fuel.
So I guess what I’m trying to say is, if Stockholm Syndrome is an option, that aeroshell 64 smell could work for you.
(This is entirely a joke, I’m not advocating any situation outside of pets that would result in Stockholm Syndrome)
Lol not gonna lie, I kinda like the smell of this grease myself! Now I just need to find a woman who uses a lot of anti seize grease at work!
(Tbh, I fully welcome it, my last ex couldn’t hold down a job and it really fucked with our budget, I’m looking for someone who can this time! Stockholm syndrome jokes aside lol.)
Also cologne. Never forget the cologne. Just a couple sprays.
Cologne sucks. It’s not needed.
I’m cool if I can only faintly smell it, but when someone puts on too much it’s eye watering and as you say, they’d be better without.
Cologne is to be discovered, not announced.
4 gallons minium, your doing it wrong if your eyes dont burn from the
teargascologne :PThis is genuinely hilarious to see the advice to wear some cologne getting down voted lmao
I feel the need to put this on its head.
What if the girl, after whatever time they spent relaxing realized she truly enjoyed his company and decided she wanted to keep him as someone she can spend time as a person and not a sexual object?
Well then neither of them is getting what they want.
Sad but probably true.
Well I guess he will find out based on whether or not she ever contacts him again.
Really though this does seem like the kind of thing where “it’s because you’re sexually repulsive” only seems like the obvious explanation because of insecurity brainworms.
It’s a very common conclusion among men. Before I finally met my gf at 23, I thought the same thing. Getting friend zoned left and right and pushed away while everyone else is whoring all day everyday for as far as you can remember makes you feel like an expired rotting piece of shit. Sentences like “You’re too good, you deserve better”, “Someone must like you, you’re great!” or even sentences from older women like “Oh, girls must like you.” just start feeling like thinly veiled insults, like everyone is making fun of you, even if they aren’t.
That’s gotta be rough. Those comments sound like they carry the same accidentally-condescending energy as telling a confused kid, “Oh, don’t worry. You’ll understand when you’re older.”
I mean, yes that’s probably true, but it sounds dismissive of one’s concerns and does nothing to allay the frustration they’re feeling now.
Unfortunately, I’m not sure what the right response would be. Or maybe there simply isn’t one?
Yea no clue, it’s tough. What finally helped me out of it was me being lucky enough to have a good friend that connected me with a like minded soul. Turns out I was just surrounded by assholes and broken people and needed that jump out into a different community. It’s why I feel especially bad for these incel types, because I fear if I didn’t have that friend, I’d be the same a couple years later. They feel abandoned and they might be right in a weird twisted way. But without a healthy path to improve and actually achieve meaningful connections with people, it’s just fucked.
I only realized I had near exclusively toxic relationships in my circles after starting college and meeting decent people. It was a rough adolescence and wrecked my sense of self worth for nearly two decades.
I think a common conclusion in general, I dated a woman once whose mind went to that explanation constantly for all kinds of things and it was basically always a distorted picture of reality. I think people just don’t get needed validation due mostly to arbitrary bullshit and the world sucking and that makes it easy to buy into toxic self hating memes.
If that was the case, why bother with all the build up? And why sugar coat it? Even sex workers are in their right to deny a costumer.
This ^^^ It would also hurt a lot less, than letting the poor guy guess what she’s thinking.
i will never understand the inability for people not to have amazing sex with their friends
Anon couldn’t have sex with a friend because anon wanted to have sex with a prostitute.
I don’t want to have sex with my friends. I know where they’ve been.
Anyway people’s relationships are complicated, there’s plenty of people I like who I do not find attractive.
Somewhere along the line, when you finally meet the person that truly meets all your expectations for a life together, your friend:
- Have they told you we used to fuck?
Oh no my current partner has had sex before with someone and they are grown up enough to still be able to talk with them. /s
But for real though, it is more a green flag for me than a red flag.
The above is oversimplified and written to elicite a chuckle but most people aren’t that comfortable with having another human being (I don’t discriminate; just aiming for the most probable scenario) their significant other used to pork on a more or less distant past staying around. Most will have doubts about their relationship and its heading. Or even worst.
Monkey brain and pride computes around “If they porked in the past, did they stop completely or is it a come and go situation?” Humans are strange creatures.
So you don’t trust your partner then? I’ve had ex’s that I remained friends with and they had ex’s that they remained friends with. As long as no one’s an asshole about it it’s fine. The fact that you used to sleep with someone doesn’t always mean you’re just waiting for an opportunity to jump on them again.
I trust the person I’m with and I’ve met the person dating them before me. I didn’t felt threatened or insecure; I see myself as a passing shadow through other peoples lives, which is quite liberating. If I manage to gain a prolongued stay, as I have, good, if not, good as well.
So then what’s there to be uncomfortable about with them remaining friends with an ex?
Definitely agree with the humans are strange creatures. Wasn’t also specifically pointing at you and indeed more the general consensus.
I just understood there was room and need for me to clarify my position and view, so I took the chance.
But we are, indeed, a strange bunch.
pork
🤢🤮
Why do some men think that is an acceptable term for sex? It’s so degrading. Or is that the point, to compare sex to fucking a piece of meat?
That was you’ll take away from that comment?
They make a fairly good point that you seem to be ignoring
Pick whatever synonym you prefer and read it in place of.
I personally dislike “fuck”; sounds purely physical and unemotional, aggressive, quasi mechanical, like scratching an itch.
While “porking” sounds silly, goofy, almost nonsensical. Something two people attracted and trusting of each other would blurt out as teasing.
The first carries the same weight you vocalized on your reply for me, only that I don’t apply that disgust solely towards men. I can tolerate a “fuck” as an expletive towards anything in a figurative way (fuck the traffic, the car, the coffee being too hot, the iced tea too sweet, the dog peeing on the sofa, the cat throwing up on a shoe) but I sincerely dislike saying or hearing said “fuck” in the literal sense. It’s crude, rude, disrespectful towards the other.
Do women who you ‘pork’ like you refering to fucking thrm with that term?
“Thanks for giving them the experience needed to satisfy my sexual needs”
And any partner of mine in that situation would be like cool… 3some? And everyone has fun
Considering that this kind of soft unspoken rejection is the same tactic women use to lose pickup “artists” and other perceived predators or just unwanted people, if in anon’s shoes, this is the moment I’d consider running away for my own peace of mind. In my experience, it’s a good idea to not stick around people that reject you on the basis of being “too good”.
Very roundabout way to do it.
As I stated in another comment, even sex workers have the right to refuse a customer.
From my perspective, this is the kind of approach/behavior that feeds stalkers and worst.
I’m a bit confused by your comment, but I think we agree?
Sex workers absolutely should reject someone if they don’t want to. But this kind of “hell yes, but fuck no” shenanigans just leads to a lot of headaches. I’d say in any context.
We agree.
I’m betting that this is exactly what happened. That girl, in all probability, has been treated like meat most of her life. There’s a nontrivial chance that she’s a victim of some kind of abuse.
So having a real connection to someone who doesn’t just treat you like meat, and is only interested in what she can do for/to them, is probably very different than the interactions she normally has.
It’s sad, but likely true.
You just keep going on with that fantasy. I’m sure it’ll give you some enjoyment in the dark of the night.
Meanwhile in the real world anons who treat girls like they’re some kind of sex vending machine don’t come off as friend material. Their intentions are very obvious. I think it more likely she just didn’t want repeat business.
Then she apparently chose wrong cause that anon is an A class douche bag who only saw her as and easy way to get his rocks off.
I think it more likely she just didn’t want repeat business from this particular customer. But who knows? (other than the girl of she’s not just a figment of a deranged imagination)
she wanted to keep him as someone she can spend time as a person and not a sexual object?
Not to put too fine a point on it, but you can do both. That’s the entire idea of having a boyfriend/girlfriend.
Yes and no.
I swing more towards the direction of a non-sexual relationship of any kind.
Then I’d imagine you wouldn’t be a neighborhood prostitute and run an onlyfans.
Although I shouldn’t presume.
No, you should not. But everyone is in right to their opinion.
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Anon is an idiot. Hot women usually are friends with other hot women. He could have befriended her, get invited to a party and meet someone there who wants to fuck with him.
Exactly what I say to people that have issues finding partners, befriend someone, get to know them, really know them as a person. They will introduce you to other people that may align with your interests and can double as a vetting source (in my case my woman friend kept me sane with all the crazy I was drawn to like a moth to a flame) I did finally find sanity
Except let’s be honest if he was wanting to pay for a prostitute. I don’t think he’s got much of a chance with anyone.
Needs to get his own life sorted first.
There is being friends with a hot girl but then there is being passed over because you aren’t a dick.
Luckily it wasn’t me but I heard some girl say “I think your hot but you’re just too nice”
Like what the fuck haha. I know they didn’t want a relationship either and she fucked someone else like a day later. Talked to others and asked why they passed over some boy for another and it’s not attraction it’s that they aren’t dickheads.
It’s a hill I’ll die on some girls definitely need that.
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That guy definitely does better on the one night stands.
But the real mistake “nice guys” make is they are too picky and choose the “right one” then focus on her. The real trick is if a girl isn’t interested in you immediately lose interest and find someone else. If you are properly in the friendzone 9/10 that girl will then be pissed off with you because even though she didn’t want, you someone else did.
You mean being her brother?
What if she gets stuck in the washer?
Anon seems not to have understood that a prostitute is not a vending machine
Am I not supposed to be sticking my dick in vending machines? o.0
I’ll risk Japan has a vending machine to cater to your specific liking.
And another 40,000 that’ll scald your dick with pipping hot ramen if you try something like that.
Make sure you know which kind you’re about to use, as the odds are not in your favor.
Am I not supposed to be sticking my dick in popping hot ramen? o.0
It looks like they are all out on banning fun
It does!
Pictures or it does not exist. And a video of actual use would be welcome.
An OF girl, who absolutely knows other OF girls, thinks you’re nice and fun to be around, despite your obvious horniness?
She’s gonna hook you up. OP fucked up if this is where he gave up. A single guy having an OF girl as a close friend is how you end up being a stage cock for her friends to suck, and you’ll get a cut of the dough.
Bro was this close to getting paid to have his dick sucked, but he had no patience.
Asking for a friend, where do I find these onlyfans girls irl
That woman dodged a lot more than bullet there
Aww, anon was so close to having his first friend.
Anon needs a sight of the long game.
You gotta wash your junk once in a while
most sane prostitutes give bjs with condom only, but anon was too much
Even a wrapped rancid weiner doesn’t stand alone. The beans and bush are gonna stink.
Lesson learned, don’t smoke weed
Is that the family suicide revolver in the pic??
Bro could be glad he saved the money, but no.
If green text plays it right, he could marry the whore & profit afterwards. So long as green text makes enough that it’s worth it for her to stop whoring.
