Same with autism. It wasn’t until I had my master’s degree in math and teaching high school at age 39 that it ever occurred to me that I was autistic. A colleague and I had a mutual student, and he told me that he thought she might be autistic and that he was going to refer her to the school’s diagnostician for testing.
So I found myself curious about the symptoms of autism, because Rain Man was my frame of reference. I researched the symptoms in the middle of a Geometry team meeting, and everything I read had my sitting up further and further in my seat, until I just blurted out “Oh my GAWD…?!” My colleagues asked what, and I said “Y’all…I think I might be autistic?” They looked at one another quizzically, like they were shocked at my personal revelation. One of them replied, “Wait…you didn’t know?!” I said, “…what, you DID know?!?” She was like “Yes! We all know that about you! You seriously didn’t know? 😂” HELL NO I DIDN’T KNOW!
I immediately called my mom on the phone to tell her that I thought I might be autistic. “Yyyyyeah…your dad and I always thought you might be.” HOLY FUCKING SHIT MOM WTF??? 😲😲😲WHY DIDN’T YOU EVER GET ME TESTED?!? "Well, you always made such good grades that we just didn’t think it mattered that much.
I have since been diagnosed with ASD Level 1, and I think back a lot on my life lived. I marvel at how much easier my life would have been if I hadn’t had to develop all of these coping mechanisms myself. I did well in school despite my autism. I earned two degrees despite my autism. I hold down teaching jobs despite my autism. The biggest problems I’ve had in my life, though, have been personal relationships. I can’t imagine how much richer my life might be right now had I known all along how to exist as a self-aware autist in a neurotypical world.
My diagnosis was based on a number of tests. One such test was related to speeded processing, basically how quickly a person’s brain analyzes things and makes decisions. It required me to look at a series of pages (one at a time) featuring a particular design for about six seconds or so, and to then identify on the flowing page the same design from a group of four, five, or six similar designs (there were more to choose from as the test went on). If I got one wrong, I’d have a second chance to choose the correct image. Two wrong answers in a row and the test would be over.
I was told at the beginning to not feel bad if I didn’t finish the test because no one ever does. Well, I did, and very quickly. I made one mistake on one picture, but I’d had it narrowed down to two images, so I was able to quickly recover when I made that one mistake. After a while, after every correct answer, the doctor’s eyes became wider and wider, until I finished and she just said, “Welp…that was THAT test!”
When I got my test results, it had me well into the 99.9th percentile. Upon informing me of this, she asked me “Does this surprise you?” to which I replied no, not really. I’ve always felt like I think WAY more quickly than the rest of the world. And it is both a boon and a burden. It serves me well and will continue to do so in the post-apocalyptic times to come.
But it’s also caused me to queer relationships because I don’t think about things before speaking sometimes, and - as an autistic person - connections with others are sometimes few and far between. So having confirmation now that my brain really does work this way helps me feel empowered enough to work on myself and that tendency to think/act/speak too quickly, because the relationships I have with people are immensely important to me.
I don’t know the popular opinion on this, but I personally think you did a great job learning how to be your best self without having a label. Everyone is unique and everyone will have to learn how to do things their way, having children labeled as something when they already do well might just make them feel more alienated, or be like “I’m X that’s why I’m like this” instead of finding their way to be productive/have fun.
Of course it’ll help people struggling but not knowing what’s wrong. But if you’re a type of person who can feel/see what works for you and what doesn’t and find solutions for yourself, you might even make your quirks your strength. One frequent thought I have is, how many of the scientists or philosophers in the past were actually autistic? Or had quirks that made them who they are, but would definitely be “problematic” when they were young by today’s standards.
TLDR: My opinion is everyone is unique, using your quirks to do things others can’t is what makes some people great. Making everyone fit a “normal”, and medicating/… everyone else doesn’t seem like a good idea.
Is it? Why does having a label for people treating you differently help with that? It mostly just turns into an excuse for others to use thank being a helpful label.
I think labels seem progressive and helpful but are mostly used to further divide people and make in and out groups.
If you know you struggle with people being told that it’s your fault cause you are genetically different somehow even though it seems ever so common and spectrum based does nothing to help you deal with people.
Here’s how a label can help: I did receive a social worker diagnosis (not medical) in elementary school, but my parents had a very similar outlook to you and didn’t do much for helping me learn how to handle it. I “knew”, but could never understand why I alienated everyone. I couldn’t manage my anger, because every time I met a new kid, it would get combative quickly. I felt I was in a position to have to earn massive respect from everyone to treat me decently, and therefore got controlling when working with others. This pressure also extremely heightened the natural tendency to procrastinate associated with autism (Note, all of this is afterthought analysis not what I thought as a kid).
College and then post grad, I had to confront these issues on my own with only poor coping mechanisms I had developed growing up. I had to educate myself about autism, and I had to spend a lot of time reflecting on myself and figuring out how to manage my worst impulses. If I had been educated and informed as a kid, I wouldn’t have needed to struggle like that for decades.
Sure. If people had taken the time to work with you and find your issues and solve them you would have had it better.
That doesn’t require the label it just makes it easier to look up the information for it and see what others have done.
The association of the label doesn’t help you it would be people helping you. Labeling the pain can help you recognize it, labeling the person puts them in a group.
You also have no idea how the part would be if it was different because it wasn’t lived. It’s an easy fantasy rather than living in the present. You would have likely still struggled just differently. So what do we do now for those that still are? Do we label them or are we helping them?
Everything is used to divide, someone autistic will behave in ways that “other” him regardless of labels, and people who want to hate are going to keep hating.
You don’t need them, don’t use them, but they absolutely are helpful for many people. We are nowhere near a society inclusive enough to make labels obsolete.
Beside, dealing with people’s attitude isn’t the only issue.
Neurodivergent people will compare themselves to others on their own, and will struggle with their self image and self-esteem.
A diagnosis will help with understanding themselves and finding better strategies much quicker.
Chicken or the egg? Do we stop labeling people and start working on their shared and singular problems to become inclusive or do we need to become inclusive first to start being able to see people as people and work on their shared and singular problems?
I think the answer is we just start doing it anyways. And don’t wait for reality to shift to some easier form to do things we should.
And I know that people compare themselves to each other all the time, I have done it and will do it to but now I try to do it when seeing if they are content only. If they have more in their bowl than me it’s not my concern, I am trying to focus on those that don’t have enough. It’s a pipe dream that labeling people makes them better at coping. People still need the compassion of others.
Chicken or the egg do we wait for a compassionate society to start being compassionate ourselves?
I’m happy you found your way and again, don’t use labels if you don’t want to. Start building the world you wish for, by all means.
You keep missing or ignoring the point that your experience is yours alone, other people find comfort, identity, community and understanding in their labels and that’s their right.
Labels are a tool, how they are used depends on the person but they don’t intrinsically imply either discrimination or lack of compassion.
Be compassionate, we agree that’s the way, but as far as I’m concerned that includes letting people be with their labels when they want to, as long as they’re not being dicks about it.
I think we agree on the main point of wanting a more inclusive society, one that hopefully doesn’t need labels, eventually, but it doesn’t look likely it will happen soon, and as long as we live in this one each of us copes the way we can.
Do you know why humans are as advanced as we are? It’s because we can learn from each other and build on what people before us have done. A label helps you connect with people who have the same struggles and learn what strategies they used to cope and live a fulfilling life. It’s a way to avoid having to reinvent the wheel.
How do you find the people with the same struggles as you without some common banner to look for? And just naming symptoms without some root cause is probably not going to be helpful. Treating leg pain from a broken bone is different than treating leg pain from a bad cramp. Similar for a lot of social/mental challenges.
Would you tell someone who doesn’t have legs that they’d be better off without a wheelchair because then they’d be free to “find their own way to be productive/have fun”? Or is this reserved for disorders that you can’t see?
My medication doesn’t fundamentally change who I am, it just makes me less shit at the things I am most shit at, so that my daily life is less of a constant struggle.
And sure, it’s possible to imagine a world where having ADHD wouldn’t be such a problem, just like it’s possible to imagine a world where not having legs wouldn’t be a problem. But that’s not the world we live in!
Try not paying your bills and telling your landlord and credit card company that it’s fine, you’re just not one for rigid schedules and you’re finding your own way. Or instead of doing your job at work, do something completely different and see if your boss accepts that you’re just quirky.
I don’t know if you read it, the second paragraph goes with something like: if you’re having problems, then yes, if you’ve found ways to deal with things and be happy/productive then no need to labels things to be “normal”
Or…and just a thought…maybe people know their own truths better than you ever possibly could, and when they tell you that early diagnosis and therapy would have helped them immensely, you just believe them?
Also, I got diagnoses for Generalized Anxiety Disorder with Panic Attacks as well as Major Depressive Disorder, and having those diagnoses as a teen might have helped as well, ya know?
It’s not specifically, but much of the cultural inertia that we struggle with today is a holdover from the outsized Boomer population and their influence on America for the last ~55 years. And Boomers, as a cohort, are markedly narcissistic and apathetic to the plights of others, while displaying significantly lower levels of empathy and/or understanding. They are largely uneducated, but obstinate that their outdated information still holds validity, and when pressed to change, or reform, typically respond with threats and attacks. This, while gaslighting those with greater knowledge than themselves- Dunning-Kruger personified.
So it’s not necessarily limited to Boomers, but this scenario absolutely describes a commonality of experience for those with Boomer parents, particularly of Millennial-age.
Same with autism. It wasn’t until I had my master’s degree in math and teaching high school at age 39 that it ever occurred to me that I was autistic. A colleague and I had a mutual student, and he told me that he thought she might be autistic and that he was going to refer her to the school’s diagnostician for testing.
So I found myself curious about the symptoms of autism, because Rain Man was my frame of reference. I researched the symptoms in the middle of a Geometry team meeting, and everything I read had my sitting up further and further in my seat, until I just blurted out “Oh my GAWD…?!” My colleagues asked what, and I said “Y’all…I think I might be autistic?” They looked at one another quizzically, like they were shocked at my personal revelation. One of them replied, “Wait…you didn’t know?!” I said, “…what, you DID know?!?” She was like “Yes! We all know that about you! You seriously didn’t know? 😂” HELL NO I DIDN’T KNOW!
I immediately called my mom on the phone to tell her that I thought I might be autistic. “Yyyyyeah…your dad and I always thought you might be.” HOLY FUCKING SHIT MOM WTF??? 😲😲😲WHY DIDN’T YOU EVER GET ME TESTED?!? "Well, you always made such good grades that we just didn’t think it mattered that much.
I have since been diagnosed with ASD Level 1, and I think back a lot on my life lived. I marvel at how much easier my life would have been if I hadn’t had to develop all of these coping mechanisms myself. I did well in school despite my autism. I earned two degrees despite my autism. I hold down teaching jobs despite my autism. The biggest problems I’ve had in my life, though, have been personal relationships. I can’t imagine how much richer my life might be right now had I known all along how to exist as a self-aware autist in a neurotypical world.
A friend of mine got diagnosed first with add and then autism in her 60s. She felt relieved because she finally understood herself.
My diagnosis was based on a number of tests. One such test was related to speeded processing, basically how quickly a person’s brain analyzes things and makes decisions. It required me to look at a series of pages (one at a time) featuring a particular design for about six seconds or so, and to then identify on the flowing page the same design from a group of four, five, or six similar designs (there were more to choose from as the test went on). If I got one wrong, I’d have a second chance to choose the correct image. Two wrong answers in a row and the test would be over.
I was told at the beginning to not feel bad if I didn’t finish the test because no one ever does. Well, I did, and very quickly. I made one mistake on one picture, but I’d had it narrowed down to two images, so I was able to quickly recover when I made that one mistake. After a while, after every correct answer, the doctor’s eyes became wider and wider, until I finished and she just said, “Welp…that was THAT test!”
When I got my test results, it had me well into the 99.9th percentile. Upon informing me of this, she asked me “Does this surprise you?” to which I replied no, not really. I’ve always felt like I think WAY more quickly than the rest of the world. And it is both a boon and a burden. It serves me well and will continue to do so in the post-apocalyptic times to come.
But it’s also caused me to queer relationships because I don’t think about things before speaking sometimes, and - as an autistic person - connections with others are sometimes few and far between. So having confirmation now that my brain really does work this way helps me feel empowered enough to work on myself and that tendency to think/act/speak too quickly, because the relationships I have with people are immensely important to me.
That last bit reads like Weird Al doing a Madonna sendup
I don’t know the popular opinion on this, but I personally think you did a great job learning how to be your best self without having a label. Everyone is unique and everyone will have to learn how to do things their way, having children labeled as something when they already do well might just make them feel more alienated, or be like “I’m X that’s why I’m like this” instead of finding their way to be productive/have fun.
Of course it’ll help people struggling but not knowing what’s wrong. But if you’re a type of person who can feel/see what works for you and what doesn’t and find solutions for yourself, you might even make your quirks your strength. One frequent thought I have is, how many of the scientists or philosophers in the past were actually autistic? Or had quirks that made them who they are, but would definitely be “problematic” when they were young by today’s standards.
TLDR: My opinion is everyone is unique, using your quirks to do things others can’t is what makes some people great. Making everyone fit a “normal”, and medicating/… everyone else doesn’t seem like a good idea.
There’s not medication for autism, and self-awareness is immensely helpful
Is it? Why does having a label for people treating you differently help with that? It mostly just turns into an excuse for others to use thank being a helpful label.
I think labels seem progressive and helpful but are mostly used to further divide people and make in and out groups.
If you know you struggle with people being told that it’s your fault cause you are genetically different somehow even though it seems ever so common and spectrum based does nothing to help you deal with people.
Here’s how a label can help: I did receive a social worker diagnosis (not medical) in elementary school, but my parents had a very similar outlook to you and didn’t do much for helping me learn how to handle it. I “knew”, but could never understand why I alienated everyone. I couldn’t manage my anger, because every time I met a new kid, it would get combative quickly. I felt I was in a position to have to earn massive respect from everyone to treat me decently, and therefore got controlling when working with others. This pressure also extremely heightened the natural tendency to procrastinate associated with autism (Note, all of this is afterthought analysis not what I thought as a kid).
College and then post grad, I had to confront these issues on my own with only poor coping mechanisms I had developed growing up. I had to educate myself about autism, and I had to spend a lot of time reflecting on myself and figuring out how to manage my worst impulses. If I had been educated and informed as a kid, I wouldn’t have needed to struggle like that for decades.
Sure. If people had taken the time to work with you and find your issues and solve them you would have had it better.
That doesn’t require the label it just makes it easier to look up the information for it and see what others have done.
The association of the label doesn’t help you it would be people helping you. Labeling the pain can help you recognize it, labeling the person puts them in a group.
You also have no idea how the part would be if it was different because it wasn’t lived. It’s an easy fantasy rather than living in the present. You would have likely still struggled just differently. So what do we do now for those that still are? Do we label them or are we helping them?
Everything is used to divide, someone autistic will behave in ways that “other” him regardless of labels, and people who want to hate are going to keep hating.
You don’t need them, don’t use them, but they absolutely are helpful for many people. We are nowhere near a society inclusive enough to make labels obsolete.
Beside, dealing with people’s attitude isn’t the only issue. Neurodivergent people will compare themselves to others on their own, and will struggle with their self image and self-esteem. A diagnosis will help with understanding themselves and finding better strategies much quicker.
Chicken or the egg? Do we stop labeling people and start working on their shared and singular problems to become inclusive or do we need to become inclusive first to start being able to see people as people and work on their shared and singular problems?
I think the answer is we just start doing it anyways. And don’t wait for reality to shift to some easier form to do things we should.
And I know that people compare themselves to each other all the time, I have done it and will do it to but now I try to do it when seeing if they are content only. If they have more in their bowl than me it’s not my concern, I am trying to focus on those that don’t have enough. It’s a pipe dream that labeling people makes them better at coping. People still need the compassion of others.
Chicken or the egg do we wait for a compassionate society to start being compassionate ourselves?
I’m happy you found your way and again, don’t use labels if you don’t want to. Start building the world you wish for, by all means.
You keep missing or ignoring the point that your experience is yours alone, other people find comfort, identity, community and understanding in their labels and that’s their right.
Labels are a tool, how they are used depends on the person but they don’t intrinsically imply either discrimination or lack of compassion. Be compassionate, we agree that’s the way, but as far as I’m concerned that includes letting people be with their labels when they want to, as long as they’re not being dicks about it.
I think we agree on the main point of wanting a more inclusive society, one that hopefully doesn’t need labels, eventually, but it doesn’t look likely it will happen soon, and as long as we live in this one each of us copes the way we can.
Happy holidays friend
Do you know why humans are as advanced as we are? It’s because we can learn from each other and build on what people before us have done. A label helps you connect with people who have the same struggles and learn what strategies they used to cope and live a fulfilling life. It’s a way to avoid having to reinvent the wheel.
That has nothing to do with labels. That creates group think and tribes.
Knowledge is not labels on people.
How do you find the people with the same struggles as you without some common banner to look for? And just naming symptoms without some root cause is probably not going to be helpful. Treating leg pain from a broken bone is different than treating leg pain from a bad cramp. Similar for a lot of social/mental challenges.
Would you tell someone who doesn’t have legs that they’d be better off without a wheelchair because then they’d be free to “find their own way to be productive/have fun”? Or is this reserved for disorders that you can’t see?
My medication doesn’t fundamentally change who I am, it just makes me less shit at the things I am most shit at, so that my daily life is less of a constant struggle.
And sure, it’s possible to imagine a world where having ADHD wouldn’t be such a problem, just like it’s possible to imagine a world where not having legs wouldn’t be a problem. But that’s not the world we live in!
Try not paying your bills and telling your landlord and credit card company that it’s fine, you’re just not one for rigid schedules and you’re finding your own way. Or instead of doing your job at work, do something completely different and see if your boss accepts that you’re just quirky.
I don’t know if you read it, the second paragraph goes with something like: if you’re having problems, then yes, if you’ve found ways to deal with things and be happy/productive then no need to labels things to be “normal”
If you do not have problems you will not be diagnosed. The diagnose criteria literally say that you must have problems.
Or…and just a thought…maybe people know their own truths better than you ever possibly could, and when they tell you that early diagnosis and therapy would have helped them immensely, you just believe them?
Also, I got diagnoses for Generalized Anxiety Disorder with Panic Attacks as well as Major Depressive Disorder, and having those diagnoses as a teen might have helped as well, ya know?
Fuckin Boomers
“We were focused on ourselves, so we just left you to twist in the wind.”
How precisely is this a generational thing?
It’s not specifically, but much of the cultural inertia that we struggle with today is a holdover from the outsized Boomer population and their influence on America for the last ~55 years. And Boomers, as a cohort, are markedly narcissistic and apathetic to the plights of others, while displaying significantly lower levels of empathy and/or understanding. They are largely uneducated, but obstinate that their outdated information still holds validity, and when pressed to change, or reform, typically respond with threats and attacks. This, while gaslighting those with greater knowledge than themselves- Dunning-Kruger personified.
So it’s not necessarily limited to Boomers, but this scenario absolutely describes a commonality of experience for those with Boomer parents, particularly of Millennial-age.