This finally occurred to me the other day. NTs can just have a conversation without putting in to much effort but for us it requires concentration. Casual small talk becomes a chore so we get tired off it and try to get out of the conversation. This isn’t something NTs can understand since they don’t have to put thought into talking and acting “normal.”
The possible exception to this is when Autistic people talk about special interests. This creates dopamine in the brain so we basically become high.
“You wouldn’t know it, from some of the things I’ve said over the years, but I like people. I do. I like people, but I like them in short bursts. I don’t like people for extended periods of time. I’m ok with them for a short period of time, but once you get up past around a minute, minute and a half, I gotta get the fuck out of there. And my reason for this is one that you may share, possibly — I have a low tolerance level for stupid bullshit.”
- George Carlin
Me after listening to my brother in law yammer nonstop at family gatherings, interspersed with very exited narration from my nephew about Special Interest X:
I stay as long as I can but everyone gets it at this point. It helps that my nephew got an early diagnosis and folks got a chance to adjust, and shit made a whole lot more sense once I finally got diagnosed last year. Now it’s just, “I gotta go get some air.” Then suddenly it’s an hour later and people are wondering where I went and I say my goodbyes and head home.
For me it was my uncle acting shocked that none of my cousins knew some really obscure historical figure in US history. He then talked for a hour or two.
“Jeez dad, nobody cares about this George Washerman or whatever.”
in my mid-life adulthood, it has been a major revelation for me to discover that my most enduring personality trait is that i will always seek to end any interaction as quickly as possible, with as little damage as possible.
for my entire life, as soon as i can get get out, i do get out.
I get out right after I embarrass myself. (Or at least it feels that way especially with RSD)
Just because an NT doesn’t experience the same challenges, doesn’t mean they couldn’t understand. Some won’t, others will.
I think it would be very hard to be deeply empathetic. (Thus the double empathy problem)
They can conceptually understand but to do more than that they would need to experience life though a different lens. The same thing goes for NDs knowing what it is like to be NT.
Few people talk about anything worth engaging with like interests or conversations that might be productive. If that nonsense is normal, I want nothing to do with normal.
I have found the easiest method in smalltalk interactions is to just let the other person guide the chat, give simple answers like ‘it was good’, and then just mirror the question back to them, ’ what about you, {that question you asked me}?'. Let them do the thinking for you.
That doesn’t work for me. I had someone get offended because when she asked me if I took my pet to the vet, I replied with no. She said something like, What? That’s it?
I was like, well, yeah.
How can I tell her about something I didn’t do?
I used to work with her in the stockroom, and it was so much effort having to interact with her.
Haha i can relate. My last ex was very much like that. It was a good relationship though so it was just a bit funny whenever it happened and not exhausting
The downside is that it is pretty brainless
Brainless is good, save your energy for when you’re ready to overshare about lego in 30 minutes time
Or try to remember something relevant but forgot all the details
