So, funny thing: a person’s body language may or may not tell you something about what they’re feeling, but it absolutely has an impact on how you perceive them. When you get advice to make eye contact, or not cross you arms, or ball your hands into fists and cock your arm (no, dude, I wasn’t being aggressive; body language theory is such bullshit), it’s saying less about what your internal mental state and more about how you’re non-verbally communicating to others.
The bullshit part about body language isn’t that it’s not valid, because it is. The bullshit part is that there’s some key that let’s you interpret it unambiguously.
Some people avert their eyes when they lie. Some when they’re disinterested. Some because they have social anxiety. I do it because I simply can’t think clearly when I’m staring into someone’s eyes, because I’m too busy drinking their souls. But when someone is talking and you avoid eye contact, whatever your reasons, they will tend to feel as if you aren’t interested.
Anecdote time! The aunt of a friend was a local politician when Bill Clinton was running for re-election, and he stopped in town, gave a speech and mingled, so she got to meet him. She said his most amazing characteristic was that, when you were taking to him, you felt as if you were the only person in the room. He had no distractions, his eyes didn’t wander to more important people, he wasn’t thinking about other, more important things: when he talked to you, he had all of his attention focused on you, and was only listening to and talking to you.
That’s what I think of when I think of effective body language. Regardless of what really was going on in Clinton’s head, when he talked to someone, he was able to make them feel as if that’s all he was doing: listening to and talking to them.
Funnily enough, I feel like in most social situations people would think I was insane or overfocused on them if I kept steady eye contact - which I easily could. But I consciously decide to let my eyes wander every now and then to let them feel less pressure. Because honestly I doubt that the cashier or my daughter’s kindergarten teacher wants me to think that I talk to them like they are the only people in the room and I am 100% focused on them. I especially prefer looking “to the side” when I listen because I am way too scared for people to think I am a maniac who wants to make them my whole world.
I can’t decide whether to encourage you and ruin another life, or warn you away so that you can retain the opportunity of time for healthy relationships, sunlight, and bathing.
So, funny thing: a person’s body language may or may not tell you something about what they’re feeling, but it absolutely has an impact on how you perceive them. When you get advice to make eye contact, or not cross you arms, or ball your hands into fists and cock your arm (no, dude, I wasn’t being aggressive; body language theory is such bullshit), it’s saying less about what your internal mental state and more about how you’re non-verbally communicating to others.
The bullshit part about body language isn’t that it’s not valid, because it is. The bullshit part is that there’s some key that let’s you interpret it unambiguously.
Some people avert their eyes when they lie. Some when they’re disinterested. Some because they have social anxiety. I do it because I simply can’t think clearly when I’m staring into someone’s eyes, because I’m too busy drinking their souls. But when someone is talking and you avoid eye contact, whatever your reasons, they will tend to feel as if you aren’t interested.
Anecdote time! The aunt of a friend was a local politician when Bill Clinton was running for re-election, and he stopped in town, gave a speech and mingled, so she got to meet him. She said his most amazing characteristic was that, when you were taking to him, you felt as if you were the only person in the room. He had no distractions, his eyes didn’t wander to more important people, he wasn’t thinking about other, more important things: when he talked to you, he had all of his attention focused on you, and was only listening to and talking to you.
That’s what I think of when I think of effective body language. Regardless of what really was going on in Clinton’s head, when he talked to someone, he was able to make them feel as if that’s all he was doing: listening to and talking to them.
Funnily enough, I feel like in most social situations people would think I was insane or overfocused on them if I kept steady eye contact - which I easily could. But I consciously decide to let my eyes wander every now and then to let them feel less pressure. Because honestly I doubt that the cashier or my daughter’s kindergarten teacher wants me to think that I talk to them like they are the only people in the room and I am 100% focused on them. I especially prefer looking “to the side” when I listen because I am way too scared for people to think I am a maniac who wants to make them my whole world.
Lol your aunt just wanted to fuck Bill Clinton and you turned it into a life lesson on body language.
Oh, come on… everyone wanted to fuck Bill Clinton. Don’t be shy.
Hey bro whatever you’re talking about can’t be that much more important than this angry birds level, keep talking I can multi-task
There’s only one thing more important than Angry Birds, and that’s the factory must grow.
Havent touched factorio yet
I can’t decide whether to encourage you and ruin another life, or warn you away so that you can retain the opportunity of time for healthy relationships, sunlight, and bathing.
Haha the fact you think I do any of those now is hilarious (eyes my 6k hours in cs and 4k in rocket league)
No idea why you were downvoted. Solid analysis!
And as you see you didnt say you are a body language expert and you seem like one so i guess the comic was right.
Fuck what others think. Your perception of my body is your problem. Not mine. I’m not trying to coerce people to do what I want like a politician.
Atlas shrugged, huh?