SPARTA, OH—Setting itself apart as a uniquely innocuous object, a wooden spoon is the only thing in local man Patrick Davies’ life that is not currently giving him cancer, sources confirmed Thursday. Unlike every other physical item Davies encounters in his day-to-day existence, the bamboo utensil is reportedly not leaching toxic chemicals into his body that […]
Intruder that broke into his house, snapped the wooden spoon in half and impaled him with it.
This comment gave me cancer
An intruder named Van Helsing?