I‘ve not related to something this much in a long time. I‘ve been treated as a traitor for this so often all over my life. I can’t believe that someone actually has a theory about this that is not esoteric in some way.

  • Knusper@feddit.de
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    1 year ago

    During school, I’ve been bullied to the point that I gave up on the concept of self-worth. I don’t know, if I would have been considered autistic without making that experience – nor do I know, if I’d be considered autistic now, as I’m not diagnosed – but I certainly feel like I identify with autistics now.

    The loss of my self-worth meant I eventually started pursuing goals that were for the Greater Good. I had no reason to pursue ‘personal’ goals anymore.

    And yeah, this made me consider, if this whole blob of what even is autism is maybe just this identity thing, too. That maybe some folks are truly born with differences to other people, but those just cause them to struggle identifying with everyone else. And then the lack of identity causes all the other characteristics that people typically associate with autism, but which could also be developed by anyone else who loses their sense of identity.

    • rottingleaf
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      1 year ago

      During school, I’ve been bullied to the point that I gave up on the concept of self-worth.

      Interesting. In my case the reaction would seem almost the opposite - I became rather distasteful of socializing, pessimist, melancholic and hard on myself, but can’t describe it as a loss of self-worth as it was held together by pride of at least trying to be a good person, pride of never giving up and wish for correctness as priorities.

      • Knusper@feddit.de
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        1 year ago

        Yeah, I imagine the reaction to bullying is quite different, depending on whether you still have people standing up for you. Due to toxic masculinity and previous friendships having broken apart just before, I was practically left to my own devices and I was too young to be proud of anything without a third party recognizing it…

        • rottingleaf
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          1 year ago

          Well, yes, I had two (2, which is enough) friends outside of school and would sometimes be in contact with their friends, so I knew that my school is a swamp, not an important part of society, and their (classmates, teachers, whatever) opinions are not worth much. I would also read a lot of fiction.

          Then for me there was the first stage of bullying where I came out victorious, so to say. Which allowed the pride part to form.

          Then based on that pride I started evaluating my optimism of the humanity based on what I myself can see and not what others think, and became a bit pessimistic. That and a mental illness in the family and a relationship where I for whatever reason saw it a good thing to embed that girl as deep into my conscience as possible.

          Then that relationship ended, which felt quite a lot like bullying itself the way it did, and then the second open stage happened (apparently I seemed weak), where I developed all those traits in response as means of self-defense (actually started during the first stage, but got complacent during the intermediate events).