As a recovering misanthrope myself, a quote that really changed my life was this (and please don’t take it the wrong way): “If you go about your day and run into one asshole, that’s the asshole. If everyone you meet is an asshole, you’re the asshole.”
Glad to hear you’re working on it, though. Sometimes the best solution is to just give on something you’re trying to accomplish and rethink your approach from the ground up. It’s not easy, and it can take a very long time, so I’d like to commend your integrity and strength of character for making that choice and wish you all the best for your recovery.
¯\_(ツ)_/¯ I’m a guy and definitely enjoy sex but I’ve been with my partner for almost 6 years now and can’t imagine life without her. Sex is definitely not the primary reason I’m in a relationship, I’m in a relationship for companionship and to have a partner to experience life with. She’s my best freind, even if we have sex sometimes.
I’m sorry you had such a poor experience with men and relationships. It’s not my place to speculate, but it sounds like you may have had some really harrowing experiences. It’s good that you’ve found a lifestyle that makes you happy. Your first comment in this thread is really painful to read and makes me very sad. It’s also not my place to debate with you about whether or not your comment is right/good, so instead I’ll just share some of my background and why I feel pain when I read it.
I was absolutely raised to be “manly.” My father, the Boy Scouts, popular media—all of it seemed like it was encouraging me to just “toughen up” and be strong. Nobody ever talked to me about feelings except anger. My dad was a great role model for anger. However, I was small. I was weak. I had allergies and asthma. I was sensitive and scared of violence. I cried easily. I was cuddly. It was very difficult for me to square what was expected of me with the reality of who I was, so for a long time I was just angry and numb and tried to hide.
I had a series of relationships where I failed to be emotionally present with my partner and rather than fixing it, I just emotionally whipped myself raw in front of them. I thought that punishment was the only way to be accepted. I finally met someone who showed me what it was to feel and helped me see a therapist. I was able to unpick a lot of the “manly” crap, and nowadays I’m pretty happy in my skin. I crochet with my partner. We talk freely and openly about our feelings. We call each other disgustingly cute pet names. We hold each other and cry when bad things happen. We both continue to go to therapy, and we’re always looking for ways to improve and deepen our relationship.
For all of that, there’s still the old raw spot in my mind. Inside of me, I’ll always have that kid who just wanted a hug and instead got contempt and judgement. He was so lonely and miserable and felt like there wasn’t anything nice in the world for him. He felt so confused and broken and wrong, because why couldn’t he just be manly? Why couldn’t he be a rock? That’s the raw spot that your comment pokes for me. I suspect I’m not alone in that.
Having typed all that out, I guess I’ll make one request. I don’t know what exactly you went through, and I sure as hell won’t invalidate it, whatever it was. All I’d ask is that you consider that there may be more than just sex and hate in the heart of the men you walk by. You don’t have to be in a relationship or like men or want to be around them, but the world might seem like a bit better of a place for you.
As a man I concur, tried to scratch my back the other day and mistook myself hugging me, afterwards tried to fuck myself, only realizing that I‘m already fucking myself day to day
The craziest revelation about this whole chain is the fact that they have an issue which demonstrates that at least some men do want emotional attachments, so the entire point is invalidated.
It’s hard in the gay community though, there are just as many people who want casual sex as in the straight community but since the supply and demand isn’t limited the same way as heterosexual casual sex it seems like it’s more akin to finding a needle in a haystack for them to get something meaningful.
I’m not judging you right now, just curious. Does it also feel that (gay) men immediately sexualize other men? Do you do that? Did you feel it was done to you?
Was talking to my partner now (he’s a man, I’m not). Wondered if hearing straight men objectifying women when you’re yourself not into women sounds a lot more jarring and unreasonable, precisely because you’re in a way “sober” about women.
I’m not saying men don’t have a huge damaging influence growing up, that a lot can only break with a lot of effort, but with your brother’s friends it sounds also like a bunch of horny teenagers posturing to each other. Not ideal behavior and not always harmless, but far from making men emotionless hole-seeking creatures.
They are referring to a copypasta. If you are unfamiliar with the term, they are random copy and pasted stories that usually don’t have to do with the topic. Some popular ones were “holds up spork” or “something about a Navy seal and what the fuck did you say?” or “Undertaker and Mankind”
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Sounds like you need to work on making better choices about the kind of men you date.
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As a recovering misanthrope myself, a quote that really changed my life was this (and please don’t take it the wrong way): “If you go about your day and run into one asshole, that’s the asshole. If everyone you meet is an asshole, you’re the asshole.”
Glad to hear you’re working on it, though. Sometimes the best solution is to just give on something you’re trying to accomplish and rethink your approach from the ground up. It’s not easy, and it can take a very long time, so I’d like to commend your integrity and strength of character for making that choice and wish you all the best for your recovery.
¯\_(ツ)_/¯ I’m a guy and definitely enjoy sex but I’ve been with my partner for almost 6 years now and can’t imagine life without her. Sex is definitely not the primary reason I’m in a relationship, I’m in a relationship for companionship and to have a partner to experience life with. She’s my best freind, even if we have sex sometimes.
I have emotions, I have a heart, many men do.
I’m sorry you had such a poor experience with men and relationships. It’s not my place to speculate, but it sounds like you may have had some really harrowing experiences. It’s good that you’ve found a lifestyle that makes you happy. Your first comment in this thread is really painful to read and makes me very sad. It’s also not my place to debate with you about whether or not your comment is right/good, so instead I’ll just share some of my background and why I feel pain when I read it.
I was absolutely raised to be “manly.” My father, the Boy Scouts, popular media—all of it seemed like it was encouraging me to just “toughen up” and be strong. Nobody ever talked to me about feelings except anger. My dad was a great role model for anger. However, I was small. I was weak. I had allergies and asthma. I was sensitive and scared of violence. I cried easily. I was cuddly. It was very difficult for me to square what was expected of me with the reality of who I was, so for a long time I was just angry and numb and tried to hide.
I had a series of relationships where I failed to be emotionally present with my partner and rather than fixing it, I just emotionally whipped myself raw in front of them. I thought that punishment was the only way to be accepted. I finally met someone who showed me what it was to feel and helped me see a therapist. I was able to unpick a lot of the “manly” crap, and nowadays I’m pretty happy in my skin. I crochet with my partner. We talk freely and openly about our feelings. We call each other disgustingly cute pet names. We hold each other and cry when bad things happen. We both continue to go to therapy, and we’re always looking for ways to improve and deepen our relationship.
For all of that, there’s still the old raw spot in my mind. Inside of me, I’ll always have that kid who just wanted a hug and instead got contempt and judgement. He was so lonely and miserable and felt like there wasn’t anything nice in the world for him. He felt so confused and broken and wrong, because why couldn’t he just be manly? Why couldn’t he be a rock? That’s the raw spot that your comment pokes for me. I suspect I’m not alone in that.
Having typed all that out, I guess I’ll make one request. I don’t know what exactly you went through, and I sure as hell won’t invalidate it, whatever it was. All I’d ask is that you consider that there may be more than just sex and hate in the heart of the men you walk by. You don’t have to be in a relationship or like men or want to be around them, but the world might seem like a bit better of a place for you.
As a man I concur, tried to scratch my back the other day and mistook myself hugging me, afterwards tried to fuck myself, only realizing that I‘m already fucking myself day to day
Like a dog chasing it’s own tail
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Who hurt you
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You are a man, do you see yourself that way too?
The craziest revelation about this whole chain is the fact that they have an issue which demonstrates that at least some men do want emotional attachments, so the entire point is invalidated.
It’s hard in the gay community though, there are just as many people who want casual sex as in the straight community but since the supply and demand isn’t limited the same way as heterosexual casual sex it seems like it’s more akin to finding a needle in a haystack for them to get something meaningful.
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I’m not judging you right now, just curious. Does it also feel that (gay) men immediately sexualize other men? Do you do that? Did you feel it was done to you?
Was talking to my partner now (he’s a man, I’m not). Wondered if hearing straight men objectifying women when you’re yourself not into women sounds a lot more jarring and unreasonable, precisely because you’re in a way “sober” about women.
I’m not saying men don’t have a huge damaging influence growing up, that a lot can only break with a lot of effort, but with your brother’s friends it sounds also like a bunch of horny teenagers posturing to each other. Not ideal behavior and not always harmless, but far from making men emotionless hole-seeking creatures.
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I can only speak for myself, but my partner contains multitudes of unfathomable joy, of which such a minor part is our very enjoyable sex life
I just wanna catch my off brand pokemon in peace.
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Palworld. New game that came out.
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Damn I thought this was pasta at first. If not, it should be.
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They are referring to a copypasta. If you are unfamiliar with the term, they are random copy and pasted stories that usually don’t have to do with the topic. Some popular ones were “holds up spork” or “something about a Navy seal and what the fuck did you say?” or “Undertaker and Mankind”
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