cat-trans

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  • Tomboymoder [she/her, pup/pup's]@hexbear.net
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    4 months ago

    I wish I could leave my house without feeling intimidated by everyone I pass madeline-scared

    CW: internal transphobia prolly

    I live in constant fear of other people’s judgment
    That men will think I am some gay weakling who should be made fun of or beat up
    That women will think I am some gross fake whose attempts at femininity are pitiful and insulting
    That children will be afraid of me for being a guy
    That old people will think I am some removed corrupted youth
    I am in this limbo where I fear being too feminine and not enough

    • sneak100 [she/her]@hexbear.net
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      4 months ago

      Yeah, relatable… doomer

      content warning: descriptions of transphobic incidents in public, lamenting over the state of terf island, pretty doomery

      And it doesn’t help when some random chud actually proves you right.

      It’s been really getting worse and worse where I live. The amount of transphobic incidents in I’ve been put through in public reached its peak during the week leading up to the election here on terf island, but it hasn’t let up that much, and it wasn’t that much better before. It’s reached a point where every time I leave the house I expect something to happen, and 90% of the time, I’m proven that I was right to worry.

      One time I’ll just be on a walk in a park when some guy starts pointing and laughing at me and then pulling the sleeve of his (I’m assuming) wife to show her the amusing person he just spotted. Another time I’ll get filmed on the train by a white woman traveling with her teenage daughter, using her rose gold iphone. Just a few days ago someone started yelling “he’s dangerous! he’s dangerous!” while I was waiting at a bus stop.

      My pro strat is to play loud music on my earphones, don’t make eye contact with anyone and try my best to pretend nobody is hatecriming me right now while hoping that nobody will actually attempt physical violence. I feel completely pushed out of public space through these kind of behaviours from rando agent smiths and I don’t feel comfortable in any irl trans spaces because I’m too enby or I’m too autistic to actually feel comfortable there and I’m so so tired of trying.

      Extremely isolating; this shit kills people, I really hope I can take it.

    • Thallo [love/loves]@hexbear.net
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      4 months ago
      me too

      That men will think I am some gay weakling who should be made fun of or beat up

      I’m not gonna lie, this is my primary motivation when I lift weights and practice kickboxing. I want to make sure that if anyone tries something, they’ll pay for it. I won’t let myself get gay bashed.

      This route isn’t for everyone, but it makes me feel more confident when I’m presenting femme in public.

    • A bit relateable. Definitely have some anxiety about any sort of presentation outside the norm and being around strangers. Haven’t even had any bad experiences (except when I cosplayed, there were certainly a lot of people who seemed to think I choose to cosplay as a female character cause “haha, being guy in dress is funny”, but like they didn’t actually intend any harm and I didn’t feel threatened by them.