K (189?–?) Soviet pioneer. From Kazan, Tartarstan, USSR, K was diagnosed as a ‘transvestite’ in 1937.
She was given permission by the People’s Court to wear female clothing, her identity papers were changed to her female name, and her name was removed from the military recruitment rolls.
She was featured in a 1957 gynaecology textbook.
M.G. Serdiukov. Sudebnaia ginekologiia I sudebnoi akusherstvo. Moscow: Meditsina 1957: 47-8.
Dan Healey. Homosexual Desire in Revolutionary Russia: The Regulation of Sexual and Gender Dissent. Chicago and London: The University of Chicago Press, 2001: fig 24.
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I’m scared that I might not be cis and in denial. I tell myself it’s just me feeling like I don’t want to / can’t live up to the standards of masculinity, that my genitals specifically don’t give me dysphoria so I cant be trans , but maybe I’m just scared of adding more complications to my life of adding another form of discrimination I’ll get to have , that I feel like I’ll never find anyone and presenting myself another way will make it 100x harder . Why do I cry if I even begin to imagine myself looking feminine , I just want to close my eyes and have them not open.
Plenty of trans people do not feel gential dysphoria. Honestly, as TerminalEncounter said, it’s about doing what makes you happy. It’s not permanent either, if you don’t like it, you can always go back. This includes most effects of HRT as well.
Other posters have hit on this already but you don’t have to be the version of trans person you see and hear about everywhere in order to be trans. The trans experience is exactly as diverse as the number of trans people there are. You don’t have to fit in some box.
Just a few months ago I was right where you are now. “If I can get by as a cis person why the hell would I make things so much harder on myself? I don’t look at myself in the mirror and want to throw up, so I’m probably not trans anyway.”
But when it comes down to it, you only get one life, and the question a trans person has to ask themselves is would you rather spend that life letting other people define who you are, or be the happiest version of yourself you can be?
To me the answer was not at all obvious at first. What if I’m not happy enough to justify the hate I’m going to bring on myself? But there’s so many ways you can safely experiment to see how you feel. You don’t have to decide you’re trans first before you can experiment. I highly recommend playing around a bit just to see how it makes you feel. You lose nothing just by playing around.
Thank you
I know the standard media story is very hard for trans people and all, but I swear to god for me being trans is mostly about a lot of intense joy and euphoria
Yeah the grief in my life does NOT stem from my transness, that has been a source of joy and discovery for me.
we love to hear it!!! Today it is joy for me, but I admit it took me a long time to get there
Don’t get me wrong, there were and are so many fucking challenges with my transness. I still struggle with a way forward in my life, but my transness makes that challenge feel significantly more attainable. Funny how unapologetically being my own queer self will do that for me, hehe
Makes sense :) I understand what you mean now and I agree, so much of my life would not be possible without transitioning
Right? Like before transitioning, I didn’t think I would make it this far. A lot of my issues now are often coming up to the consequences of that line of thinking, lmao
Sounds like a positive thing, then? I felt the same way, spent a really long time undervaluing myself before and after, and only recently am I starting to see how capable I am. (uh, not in a capitalistic sense tho lol fuck work i mean more like interpersonal stuff)
Yes! This is exactly what I mean. Fuck work. Having real friends who see you for you are beautiful.
That would be nice…
Try painting your toe nails and wearing some panties under boy clothes! See how you feel! Anything you do you can undo, there’s some stuff that’s not easy to reverse like being on HRT for a few years (feminizing hrt takes a while to kick in, if you wanna be a girl I bet you’ll be one of the ones complaining your boobs aren’t growing in 4 months on E lol) - but you can pick up and later put down pretty much anything and only keep what makes you happy.
I would consider myself pretty binary trans, but tbh I don’t have much desire to get rid of my dick.
I wouldn’t say I don’t have any dsyohoria about it, but it’s pretty negligible.
I wish I could make you not scared
I just want to be held and told I’m ok… ill try my best
You don’t have to have bottom dysphoria to be trans. As someone with ADHD, I get not wanting to make life more complicated. Do what makes you happy at a pace you’re comfortable with. Try out different presentations in private and see what feels right.
Idk if I’m reading this correctly but, If this is about some sort of compulsive fear you might be trans: You have no obligation to pursue transition just because you are experiencing things that could be interpreted as possibly a trans experience. You don’t even have to be trans if you don’t want to be. It’s about liberating your gender identity, FOMO doesn’t make sense with it, you are not missing out on anything by not forcing yourself to do things
But that said, I would also think about why being trans would be scary. If it’s just a fear you aren’t exploring yourself enough (FOMO), then see above. But if it’s a fear of being trans in and of itself, you might want to interrogate that. If you have some sort of idea that being trans is, deviant, unnatural, a mental disorder, etc, you might be more anxious about it than you should be
Its that im scared of how others will view me and treat me because I’m surrounded by transphobes and because of what women have to endure in general. And I know I don’t have to it’s the uncertainty of not knowing myself that’s getting to me , and I don’t know what’s wrong with me and why I feel so awful and I think not being ok with my gender identity as it is now is part of it. Per other posters I’ll take little steps and try things and start thinking about myself in different ways and try not be apprehensive about it
valid, please just be kind to yourself
you have a lot of time, there’s no need to be worried
People can be sucky for sure, but consider:
Most trans people are more satisfied with their life after transitioning, even with the existence of transphobes. A lot of people talk about the sucky parts of the trans experience, but there’s also so much stuff that is so wonderful and awesome about it.
I’m so happy you’re thinking about taking little steps and experimenting. But if at any point you realise you’re not trans? That’s totally 100% valid