Does that mean he’ll be the first person to be officially #blessed?
He’s already #blessed since 2020, by the catholic church. That’s a precondition to becoming a saint.
He’ll quite possibly be the first Saint to have the porn stash on his hard drive or phone thoroughly reviewed and analyzed by theology students.
Soon hundreds of churches will claim to have a genuine fragment of his fidget spinner.
And be cured of diseases after reading his old Myspace account
Behold this sacred relic! It’s his old samsung S5!
Turns out 700 years later it was fraud sold to them by a traveling grifter, as every monestary in the area has the same samgung S5.
Although Acutis’ parents were not religious, the young boy’s faith was nurtured by his Polish nanny
we’re sorry
Wait. What was she polishing?
delete your account
Awwww…🥺
According to tradition, Saint Bartholomew was flayed alive and then beheaded.
I’m just saying, saint standards have dropped.
Traditionally you had to wait like a century as well.
I guess the tech bro mantra of “move fast and break things” has reached the Vatican?
Dude made a website. I would think the 70 yearolds were impressed that the guy was the first person to be good with computers
who cares?
Leader of a cult who believes in sky wizard, makes other random cult member slightly more important in the cult
I care because it’s funny to laugh at.
Where were you when god said ‘skibidi rizz ohio’
Millennial, not Gen Alpha.
I feel sad for the gen beta, whenever it starts
I’m thinking that will be gen “remenants of civilization” if things keep going the way they’re going…
BADGER BADGER BADGER BADGER
BOBER KURWA
Cringe. Imagine being non-religious and then these cunts start worshipping your dead child.
That’s probably not a popular opinion here, but: parents do not have a right to their child. If the child was cool with this, then that is the important part (and from what I read I’d guess he would be).
Let’s posit it the other way around: a deeply religious pair of parents raises a kid that ends up being strongly anti-religion and comes to some “fame” due to that. Would you describe those celebrating that kid as “cunts” as well? And if not: why?
And no, I’m not religious myself and think a lot of that stuff is stupid and much of it is dangerous, but “those parents deserve better” is an argument that’s used in exactly the opposite way in other areas: to oppress kids that don’t “submit to the norm” that their parents think are best.
His parents may not have been religious, but they supported their son’s choice of faith, and he took it seriously. If I were them I wouldn’t be offended by this. If they are offended, they can get over it, this was their son’s faith.
Makes as much sense as anything else the Church has done.
Teenager… Millenial?
He died in 2006. They got his embalmed body on display in a glass box and everything, like the complete insane psychopaths that they are.
Just religion things
He’s dead Jim
Everyone younger than me is a millennial. Everyone older than me is a boomer.
No possible way this could go wrong anytime soon.
Why soon?
I genuinely wonder what they listed for his post-death miracles (a saint requirement). Are they technology related?
It’s all made up, and the points don’t matter!
Did you read the article? They list them.
You caught me. I did not
They’re not the most miraculous miracles. A person might miss them if they weren’t specifically searching for miracles.
I mean, yes and no. You read the article and think, “that…sounds like bullshit.” You don’t read the article, read the two paragraphs where they attribute the “miracles” to this kid and think “what miracles are they attributing to him?”
lol see what I mean? It’s not a super uncommon thing for people to not read the article. I’d say even maybe the majority of commenters don’t.
LOL i love how desperate they are
Lisan al Gaib!
I took a miraculously big shit while reading this that almost killed me. Did I come close?
Do that two more times after you’ve died and you might have a shot!
deleted by creator
Dear Saint Influencer,
We gather today in your name, seeking guidance from the one who became a force of nature on social media. As we bow our heads and close our eyes, we hope to channel your divine energy and find solace in your heavenly presence.
Oh, mighty saint, you were once an ordinary teenager, just like us, struggling with the trials and tribulations of adolescence. But then, you found your calling—the internet! With your finger on the pulse of the latest trends and hashtags, you rose to fame and amassed legions of followers who hung onto your every word.
Now, as you sit amongst the clouds, watching over us mortals, we plead for your intercession. Help us navigate the treacherous waters of online interactions, where trolls lurk in the shadows waiting to strike with their venomous words. Guide us in crafting the perfect selfie that will garner thousands of likes and prove to the world that we too are worthy of adoration. And most importantly, remind us to #StayPositive even when the comments section becomes a cesspool of negativity.
Saint Influencer, you were able to convert your followers into disciples by sharing your wisdom about fashion, beauty, and life itself. We ask you to help us do the same within our own spheres of influence. Teach us how to engage our audience without sacrificing our authenticity or selling out to corporate sponsors.
As we continue our journey through this digital age, grant us the ability to maintain our sanity amidst the chaos. Remind us not to take ourselves too seriously and always remember that, at the end of the day, it’s just social media.
Amen.
#LordAndSaviorOfInfluencers #SaintInfluencer #DigitalDivineIntervention
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