As a tall man who likes to walk at night, I have long understood that women alone at night do not wish to encounter me. So when I happen to find myself following a woman down the street, I will either slow down, cross the street, or stop and look at a sign or something for a minute to give her some space.
In a dangerous and shitty world, a person has to find subtle and quiet ways to express care, compassion, and solidarity. It costs me nothing to make a woman feel safer.
on the one hand, you’re right and I agree with you.
on the other hand, I’ve got places to be and other people walk so fucking slow.
This is the way, and good for you.
Purposefully making women afraid they’re about to get assaulted is abhorrent.
While working i am occasionally in parking garages which can be dark and creepy. If i see a woman walking alone I’ll try to make some noise like pulling out my keys. People with bad intentions will be stealthy, hopefully they get that I’m not a threat
You da man brother!
SIMP!!!
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He’s not a “Sucker Idolizing Mediocre Pussy”
He’s a man making sure women feel a little safer.
Using the word “SIMP” in this context runs counter to every example of protective familymen I’ve ever seen. Derision against his behavior is as good as calling yourself a creep, a predator, an enemy of all that is good and right.
You have the morals of an opportunistic thug … yet I have no doubt you think yourself some kind of faithful man
Simp is also just short for “simpleton”
That’s not how simp is used in this context, you intentionally obtuse pedanic British cigarette.
Eh possibly, but many of the women I’ve slept with have told me that I make them feel safe and that it’s a huge turn on for them. Shocking, I know, that people might want to feel secure before they get intimate.
Anon is a piece of shit even if this is just fantasy
Sometimes prophecies are self fullfilling, treat a man like the worst example of the gender he represents, through no fault of his own and you might find he behaves less than appropriately.
I’m not saying that excuses the behaviour, but if women looked at me and immediately thought “potential rapist/murderer” I can’t say that wouldn’t upset me and possibly cause me to act less than amicably.
I mean what the fuck am I supposed to do? Somehow talk the worst male scum out of their depraved behaviour, or somehow try to convince all women that “I’m one of the good ones”? That’s never going to happen no matter how hard I try.
We all need to be realistic and keep things in perspective. It’s not OK to treat people as the worst of the people they identify with, it’s no better than the “all Muslims are terrorists” mentality.
My gf does this constantly. She is afraid of every man on the street. If there is a homeless or god forbid mentally ill person on her path she’s basically terrified.
Yes, she does listen to true crime podcasts. Yes, we live in a relatively safe part of a relatively safe country.
Go ahead and aks her if she has ever been harrased or sexually coerced in her life. At what age and what happend. And then ask her if she has friends who have. Or how often she didn’t think it was socially acceptable to say “no” or “fuck off”.
This is not something just in our heads. We don’t just freak out about nothing. Especially in a world were young white men are increasingly frustrated about the way the world “treats” them.
I have had enough guys try to follow me home or just obnoxiously trying to “be nice” while ignoring all the " I don’t want to talk right nows" and “i don’t need you to escort me home, reallys”, thank you very much.
Its not about the danger of beeing raped or killed. Its about the fact that its uncomfortable enough as is even if nothing objectively bad happens.
Being scared isn’t really something you can control. So I think what matters is whether that affects how she treats men.
As someone who also is quite scared of strangers when no one is around, I mostly just avoid that situation to begin with. If that’s not possible or it’s just too severe, it’s definitely something where looking into professional help could help her, if it’s available. Though not listening to true crime podcasts would probably be a good start…
The problem with listening to things like that is that they are self-selecting for the absolute worst things that have ever happened. It’s not like they go on today’s podcast nothing really happened so we’re going to talk about a case of minor vandalism instead.
Nah they will dig back to the 1960s in order to find something to talk about. Seriously look up how many podcasts are still going on about Jack The Ripper despite the fact it was about 150 years ago.
Yeah obviously but it is no justification. I definitely understand how material conditions can influence behavior
Or you could just realize that it’s not personal and give signals that you’re friendly when possible. I’m a man, and I walk around my neighborhood a lot by myself. I get different reactions from different women when I pass by or walk behind them, some amicable and some standoffish.
It feels a bit bad when I get the impression that someone is scared of me, but I have the understanding to know that many women are cautious and possibly traumatized, and no one owes me friendliness.
Also, your comparison to Muslims is really off. Most people with prejudice against Muslims are rarely (if ever) exposed to them in real life and have their opinions influenced by conservative media. Women with fear of men in public spaces are usually informed by stories from their friends and their own previous experiences. I’ve witnessed enough to know as much.
Maam this is 4chan
So everyone here is saying fuck anon and I agree, but I agree because they are aware of it and intentionally doing things on purpose to exacerbate the situation.
But like, if you’re a physically larger dude (maybe even cursed with a hint of melanin), and you’ve got to walk behind a woman at 2am… it’s just a shitty situation for both people, where both of you feel like you have to do something you shouldn’t have to do (women feeling the need to run, defend themselves, or cry for help, and men feeling the need to change their route, stand around and wait until she leaves, or do something awkward and potentially more scary like announce their presence).
I’m definitely not advocating for women to be less cautious on the streets at night or anything like that at all, it’s an unfortunate reality that they need to stay vigilant and aware to remain safe. It just really sucks that the way it comes across a lot of the time does little to protect anyone from any actual harm, and just makes normal people feel like shit for making someone feel like they’re about to get raped.
As a physically large man who used to work a job that meant he was walking home late at night in the city, just cross the road to overtake. If you’re walking that much faster than the other person, you will overtake pretty soon.
Shit, I cross the road to overtake because I’m a smoker and don’t want to inconvenience non-smokers with my addiction. Never even crossed my mind that may make people feel safer.
Thank you. As that vice gets rarer, the impact on other of the smell is worse and worse. It’s not my business if you choose that vice but I appreciate any effort not to inflict it on the rest of us
I’m crossing the street because weed is illegal and I want people to think it’s tobacco.
Double thanks, many of us also don’t appreciate that smell either. In some cases it smells worse. It took a surprising number of years for my kids to be able to distinguish weed from skunk, when they were little
I also do that as a smoker! I doubt I’m very intimidating tho, so it’s just to make sure I’m not bothering people with my smoke. Bonus if it makes them more comfortable for other reasons.
Lmao @ someone actually switching sides.
If you’re a big guy and you find yourself walking behind a woman at 2am AND, unlike anon, you‘re not a complete sociopath, you have two options in a nutshell. One, you move your ass and overtake, walking fast. Two, you change the side of the road. Both minor inconveniences.
just not changing pace is good enough in my opinion, that makes it look like he was actually chasing her
if he takes the same road and she is scared it’s more of a she problem since he’s just going home
imo the solution is just not to do anything sketchy, and teach younger people what’s right and wrong, so that the problem can get solved with a better society in the future
imo the solution is just not to do anything sketchy, and teach younger people what’s right and wrong, so that the problem can get solved with a better society in the future
Ah yes, why didn’t my parents or their grandparents think to teach their kids that rape and murder is wrong!? It’s all so clear now!!!
If the current state of America is any indication, plenty of people didn’t teach their kids that
I think some people do fucked up shit regardless of what they’re taught and it requires a solution that’s slightly more complex than “just teach the kids right and wrong”.
Whilst I strongly encourage good parenting, you could have the most fucked up parents imaginable and still easily be able to understand why rape and murder isn’t a benefit to society.
Doesn’t have to be women, I’ve accidentally startled dudes as well. Being a pretty broad and tall dude I usually only keep my size in mind to keep out of the way or make sure I don’t bump into things or hit my head on stuff.
But when I think about it, of course it would be intimidating to run across someone a foot and a half taller and twice your weight. It would be like me being tailed by Shaq in the middle of the night.
Just yell to her you’re not going to rape her. Problem solved.
“I’m not gonna rape you, I’m a little boy”
Hear hear! As a bigger guy with a faster pace, I have yet to find a way that doesn’t make everyone uncomfortable while also making me frustrated as hell because I can’t walk at my own pace.
Even worse, I’m probably walking with my dog, who likes an even faster pace, and she’s a rescue who looks scary and isn’t yet well behaved
If it makes you feel any better, a large person walking with a scary dog seems much less likely to be a psychopath than just a large person by themselves (to me, at least).
Obviously not to say that large people are psychopaths 😂 just that someone with an animal they’re caring for doesn’t strike me as someone who is going to attack me.
No fair! My cat is at home, so you can’t see me snuggle her little face.
Well, who’s fault is that now, really?
Nobody’s, cat just don’t like walks. I can show pics though if you’ll just stop running!
Wear a reflective vest. It makes it obvious you’re just trying to safely walk your dog, makes you less likely to be hit by a car and signals safety because dangerous people don’t usually want to be conspicuous
Maybe if you skipped?
That would be hilarious …. I’m not sure I remember how.
Step 1: braid your hair. Two braids to the sides or two pigtails, either works
Step 2: get one of those big swirly lollies
Step 3: ba-dee ba-daa
Left- right – air time – right-left – air time
I think (as a white dude, so take your grains of salt as you please) that a dog would make you less threatening. Makes it clearer what you’re up to, and people bringing their dogs along to mug or rape someone is exceedingly rare.
talk to your dog
(maybe even cursed with a hint of melanin)
That euphemism is a lot worse than just saying “black”.
According to…?
me. That’s my opinion. Being black is not a curse.
Awesome! According to me, the person I was talking about, “being cursed with a hint melanin” is an obvious in-joke to other black or mixed people. I’ll keep describing myself however I like, and you do the same!
A curse is a condition that bestows a disadvantage. Being black is not a curse in and of itself, but being black + being in any one of many places around the world today is definitely a curse-esque combination due to racism.
I roll with disadvantage every time I try to avoid people being offended on my behalf for comments I make about myself. Such is my curse as a sarcastic biracial man in modern America.
Maybe you weren’t sarcastic? Stop being so judgemental.
I’m not being judgemental. I literally told you to continue using and disliking words as you saw fit. You’re the only one that seems upset.
I prefer “of coloredness”
this doesn’t just go on gender lines either. i am tall and broad and probably scare people, especially women, in the dark. i hope my appearance at least protects me from being assaulted as well… no one asks for ur gender, when they see u walking around at night.
I’ve never even considered this perspective before. It’s frustrating enough for guys to get lumped in with shitty guys, but to be a woman lumped in with shitty guys, that’s gotta be aggravating as hell.
I’d wager you’re probably right, though; you’ve probably got a better buffer against weirdos than a dainty little flower might.
Amusing if fictional but if in real life, this is seriously messed up
And, illegal if you can make the argument that OP knew or should have known their behavior would be unwelcome.
Name the law.
What jurisdiction are we talking?
For Canada, I think there’s a good argument for 2.d.
https://laws-lois.justice.gc.ca/eng/acts/c-46/section-264.htmlengaging in threatening conduct directed at the other person or any member of their family.
Sir no fictional countries please
We’re on the internet so the default country is the US of A
You’re posting in sh.itjust.works, hoser.
Now drink that Molson, there’s a Leafs game in 8 hours and I’m not paying $12 for a half a beer, eh?
10 points to gryffindor!
Depends on jurisdiction, but in a fair number it would be “menacing”.
A person is guilty of menacing when by some movement of body or any instrument the person intentionally places another person in fear of imminent physical injury.
That’s Delaware’s, but different states do it differently, and some out that classification under stalking.
Following someone around intentionally and knowingly causing them fear of injury is illegal. Why on earth would you even for a moment think you’re allowed to do that? It’s like thinking guns are legal so you can point your gun at someone on the street.
Why on earth would you even for a moment think you’re allowed to do that?
Because OP actually lives in that building and the rest comes down to proving his intent which is extremely difficult in every situation. You’re “allowed” to do it because proving that someone literally walking to their home has intent to menace is so difficult that no authorities will even try to prosecute.
Lives in the same building for one of the examples given. And we’re not DAs, we get the benefit of OP telling us their state of mind and intent which involves very explicitly making choices of dress, behavior and demeanor for the explicit purpose of quite literally menacing women for his own amusement.
Difficult to prosecute doesn’t make something legal.
I can’t think of a time before this I’ve seen the word ‘meanacing’ used as a verb and not an adjective.
It probably comes from the French verb “menacer” which means “to threaten”.
Going home wearing a hoodie is unwelcome?
Don’t be obtuse. OP openly admitted to wearing clothes and behaving in a way that makes them more threatening to vulnerable women.
OP being green text author, not the Lemmy OP.
Sorry, I’m stupid. I’ll try to be more acute from now on
That’s right!
It’s all shits and giggles until anon ends up in a ‘man vs bear spray’ scenario
That’s called assault and it is a crime.
No it isn’t when there’s probable cause. And “dude started running after me” is enough for self defense to kick in. Actually it is probably enough to charge the dude.
OP was just walking. Where are you getting this running idea from?
Literally says “speeds up my steps as well”.
Speed walking and running are distinctly different things.
Intentionally causing a person to fear harm is assault. Greentext is committing assault. It might not be possible to convict for it, but it’s still assault.
They had legitimate reason to believe they were in danger.
Not assault at all.Unlikely to be assault.Edit: Guess I shouldn’t say “definitely not assault”. Don’t have all the information here, so can’t come to any definitive conclusions.
Legitimate reason as in “a man is in the range of visibility”?
A man, in a hoodie, that speeds up his step when they try to walk away from him faster, at 2am. Context matters a lot here.
It’s more than just “a man within range of vision”. Obviously we don’t have the full story here, but even in the text, there are specific behaviors that would, arguably, make a reasonable person suspect they were in imminent danger. Depending on the state, that is enough to trigger self-defense definition.
The entire greentext is about OP going out of their way to look as threatening as possible while still having plausible deniability. Like… Your position goes against the OPs intent.
Anon wants to get shot.
Or tased and pepper sprayed, at the very least
Now its not only women who would prefer the bear. After reading this i also prefer the bear.
See you on growlr m’dude
fuck anon
Can the incels who posted and upvoted this please stop ruining gender relations for the rest of us?
It’s a fucking greentext my guy
It could be on Sumerian clay tablets my dude, it would still be about threatening rape for amusement
Have you ever seen [email protected]? This community is that (mostly) but for 4chan. Upvotes don’t mean supporting this garbage.
Yes they do.
No it just means you have no idea what this is or where you are
Perhaps I was wrong.
my buddy
It’s not even real get over yourself and leave instead of just insulting random people on the internet. Get a life lol
Back in the day I lived in the outskirts of the city where buses would run rarely. Many times when I arrived home late a woman would also drop off. They mostly reacted in the same way as OP describes.
I tried to imagine having to be afraid like that all the time and it’s horrifying. The planet is populated by animals larger and stronger than you who might, or might not behave violently without provocation.
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How eloquently summarized. Sadly so.
Anon is a terrible person
Typical 4chan user
Anon is way above average. He leaves his house.
Anon is fake and gay never happened.
gay happens every day, you’re just not getting any
Noice
Yeah they claim to have a job, go outside, and appear physically intimidating.
I wonder if the lady would’ve preferred a bear
I’m a very tall wardrobe with a resting bitch face syndrom that is also nocturnal. I learned a long time ago to just slow down when behind women and never to speed up. Or just change sides or so.
It pisses me off to constantly being seen as a violent rape-ape instead of a person, but imagining being a woman (or whomever else is frightened by me) in such a situation makes my worries seem more irrelevant.
In a better society this would be totally unnecessary, but here we are.
